Archive for September, 2003

I heard a customer in the shop today beckoning her daughter who was called Paris ugh
A bearded women also came in today, I’m not talking a few hairs, I’m talking a full on grey beard.

Do you like wanking but can’t be arsed with all the exercise?

Buy one of these!!!

*Only for men and erm… “Sorry! Japanese only” as it says at the bottom of the screen. That bit made me giggle like a japanese school girl…*

It’s my birthday, I’ve just turned 25, crack open the anti-wrinkle cream

Alan Titchmarsh’s Vanilla Fudge - Vanilla fudge is a traditional favorite for any sweet tooth. Signed by the gardener himself, this tin is great to use when empty to store your opened packets of seeds.
Mm I know I’d like to eat his special fudge

“Lo Hek of the Korean Committee Against Animal Cruelty said: ‘If people are going to abuse animals by putting them into circuses they should expect to be bummed’.”

Apparently bakers can’t sell gingerbread men anymore because I saw a “gingerbread person” (and his little family) for sale in a bakers shop.

Sample – Inflatable Egg Cup – from The British Egg Information Service. ‘Egg lovers will be delighted to know that from January 2000 the Lion Quality mark is back on the nation’s egg shells. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we are giving away a fantastic inflatable egg cup for maximum boiled egg enjoyment at the table, in bed or even in the bath! We are also giving away a recipe leaflet, ‘Simply Delicious Eggs’, which shows you how to make all the classic egg recipes such as boiled egg and soldiers and omelettes with the greatest of ease.
So get cracking and telephone the Egg Hotline on T; 0845 6712428 leaving your full name, address and postcode after the tone to receive your very own wacky inflatable egg cup and free egg recipe leaflet while stocks last.

Men Bored after 72 Minutes

There is this sign just near to my house saying something about “59% of people want to keep fox hunting”…
So, my friend dave and I took a little stroll down this evening and, well… let’s say “changed” some of the letters with the aid of a black marker pen… >:-)

It now reads 59% of the people want to ban fox hunting

We spent last week in Utrecht and Amsterdam and had a funky time so to sum up:

Crazily quick flights (easyjet el cheapo), two hotels, amusingly named Dutch products (Mini-Dickmaans and Slagroom), shopping, sex museum, Rijks Museum, great friends, monkeys, yummy food, tea in glasses with no milk (because that’s how the Dutch drink it), a night canal trip in amusingly broken English, Winkel van Sinkel (a cool cafe), coffee shops, room service, lots of kissing in public from a certain couple, watching badger and foxy-wombat on TV in the morning (Leesdas, we learnt to say Ik), buying tiny plants and sticky clocks, Schtopp this Mischta Schnuffles is not ready yet where is his porno moustache?, a monkey zoo with free range monkeys that are cute and jump on you!, Dutch rivers flowing the wrong way, trams that go bong and nearly squash you, cars that don’t go bong but nearly squash you anyway, discussing the revolution over lunch, copious amounts of tea, bikes that seem to do anything they like, loads of gift shops selling clogs and windmills, hundreds of shoe shops not selling clogs or windmill, trying on hats in department stores, great breakfasts, throwing dissenters to the leopards, tea boxes, Sissy Boy (a shop), Mannekin Pis (another shop), Fooks (yet another shop), Sisi drinks, Peruvian buskers chasing us through the streets of Amsterdam, shopping for expensive beds, missing trains, new watches with dogs on, bone o’clock, Hagel Purr, pornography all over the place, tranny boy playing cards, windmills, trams, getting killed while crossing the road, friendly people, funky busdrivers

I loved being in Holland it’s a wonderful country